Pumpty Dumpty works no more

I will be honest...I am struggling. It's that time of year I struggle anyway because it's long and I feel like enrollment and life is against me a lot. That time of year where I start stressing about whether I'll have a job next year or not, even though it's mostly irational. This whole being sick thing on top of it is not helpful. This week when I went to get my PD cathetor flushed, it wouldn't work. Two weeks ago there were some issues, but it seemed to get fixed. Last week it worked well and this week it did not. So a sudden appoint ment with the surgeon appeared. Thankfully my hours got covered while I went. Unfortunately I have to go back into surgery next Friday to get it fixed. I went my whole life without being put under for anything and now I'm going on number 5 or 6 in the past six months. I'm not even sure anymore. Last week I was also told that my numbers were worse and to retake the blood tests in two weeks, but most likely would be starting dialysis. My kidney function was at 13% and other numbers are starting to not look good. The surgeon wants me to start dialysis as soon as possible after the surgery. I was really hoping I could do the training during spring break so I wouldn't have to take off. I'm out of days and not sure what is FMLA and how protected I am. Losing just a day of pay is a huge hit on our budget and 6 days in a month.....yikes. Coworkers could donate to me a day, but that hasn't been offered to me. This would be much easier if I knew the support was there from my job. I'm doing my best to not let this interupt my work life and for as much has happened this year, I've done really well. I didn't choose this, I did nothing to make it happen and I'm trying my best. I try not to think about being sick much, but it's getting harder. I'm tired all the time. What motivation I have is slipping away and the seriousness of what is happening slips in way to much lately. I don't feel like I can change much or do much different, just keep puttering along until it gets fixed or I die I guess. My poor kid is getting the brunt of it. Thankfully she has neighbor friends to play with and can entertain herself some. But I have gone against my own parenting rules and she is getting to use her tablet more...though it's still almost all educational and she doesn't have access to internet items. I know there are way more people out there with much worse going on. I'm still functioning and independent. I'm still paying bills and not behind. I currently still have a job and insurance. I'm on the list for transplant. I have a daughter and family that have been helping me out some and friends who check in on me. But if you all could send a few good thoughts/prayers/good juju this way, I'd appreciate it. Especially during the next month. Thanks!